Sorry, no plebs allowed

Workmate 2 walks into an expensive cafe and requests an ‘instant’ coffee. Informed that his beverage of choice is not on the menu, and befuddled by the array of non-instant options presented therein, workmate 2 continues to insist that he wants instant coffee. You know, the normal stuff.
Presently, workmate 2 is asked to vacate the premises.

Nescafe products contain mind control drugs?

Me: I don’t know how you can drink that stuff
Flatmate 1: What stuff?
Me: That evil mug of instant coffee you’ve got there
Flatmate 1: Its not instant coffee
Me: …?
Flatmate 1: Its not instant, its ‘granulated’
{Cue tedious debate on what defines ‘instant’ coffee}
Me: O-kay… whatever you call it, I don’t know how you can drink it. You should try some of this green tea with manuka honey.
Flatmate 1: But thats just flavoured water…
Me: Don’t all drinks fall under that broad classification?
Flatmate 1: …and besides, I don’t believe in products from companies that exploit the third world workers
Me: Riiight, and you’re drinking Nescafe right now…

Pretty Fussy

Colleague who, if he can’t get Starbucks, and the coffee machine is busy, will have instant: “I’m pretty hard to please with coffee.”

Environmental concern FAIL

Barista — certainly not a coffee pleb in the traditional sense — can’t fit thermo-mug under espresso maker. Proceeds to make latte in a disposable paper cup before pouring it into the mug … and throwing out the cup.