A brief christianese phrase-book

“Context is key”

I want this passasge to mean something other than what it says.

“the bible is very clear on this”

The bible either hardly touches this issue, or presents seemingly contradictory views, and although I can't actually use the bible to prove what I'm saying I'm convinced God would agree with me.

“The meaning of this word in the original Hebrew…”

I don't like the implications of this word so I will pretend I am a linguistics scholar and lie to you.

“this generation”, “chosen generation”

Every generation, but I want you to feel special.

“Revival is coming!”

Things will continue as normal. OR

Based on no real evidence, I believe that the next five years will be radically different to the previous two thousand.

“The Holy Spirit is doing a new thing”

The Holy Spirit is doing the same old thing, but we want to push you over.

“I sense God telling me in someone in here has a back problem”

Statistically speaking, someone in here is bound to have a back problem.

“I see that hand”

In faith, I see that, although no-one has raised their hands yet, someone will, and they just need a ltille encouragement that they're not alone.

Thanks to Jim and Matt for lots of this

Comments

Nato

Hehe... awesome!

Ingrid

heh heh i love it

Jared

Nice...

Christina

majestic!

KT

[shakes head]

[having temporarily misplaced sense of humour]

Greg

Very funny. I actually had this exact idea myself a few days ago, but I hadn't put it into action. You could add these:

"BIRTHED" What you say when you mean 'born' but want it to sound more spiritual, ie 'The vision was birthed in my heart'

"I HAVE A HEART FOR..." Literally, 'I have a passion for...' Personally, I have a heart for blood circulation, but each to his own.

Sally

That's brilliant

Oliver

Hurrah! That's great

Johannes Blaschke

ROFL... no one here knows me here but oh well I still will make my laughter known.

Stephen

Don't you just love Christian jargon. How often do we scare people away from church with nonsensical jargon that even we don't really know what it means?